3 Ways a Wife Can Romance Her Husband
by: Dave Willis
Lifelong romance is vital to a vibrant lifelong marriage, but somewhere along the way, many of us have bought into the myth that women are the only ones who really care about romance. There’s a huge misconception that romance is the husband’s sole responsibility and the wife is the only recipient. The truth is that husbands like romance too; we define romance on slightly different terms than most ladies do.
To clarify what I mean by “Romance,” I’m defining it in broad terms to say: “The intentional cultivation of affection, excitement, adventure, and intimacy in your marriage.”
BOTH husbands and wives want those things. Men may not call it “romance,” but we definitely want an exciting, intimate relationship in marriage (and that’s what romance actually is). If you’re a wife reading this, I want to let you in on some secrets about how most men think and what most men want. If you make it your mission to bring his style of romance into the marriage, I believe you’ll be amazed by his response. Not only will your relationship improve, but I believe he’ll also become much more attentive to YOUR romantic needs
To help you get started, here are some practical ways a wife can cultivate more romance, intimacy, and connection with her husband. My amazing wife Ashley is writing a companion piece to this article on what husbands need to do to create more romance for their wives and if you’re a husband reading this, instead of telling your wife everything she’s not doing right, read Ashley’s article and start by doing your part to meet her needs.
Here are three ways wives can romance their husbands:
1. Seduce Him
Most men have a huge need for sexual intimacy. Sex makes a man feel alive, respected, fulfilled and intimately connected to his wife. He doesn’t just want you to be a willing participant to his sexual advances (although he wants that). He wants you to pursue him sexually. He wants you to be seductive, playful, creative and even aggressive in the bedroom. Get rid of the flannel pajamas and surprise him with some lingerie or a striptease. Suggest a new position or new approach to the normal routine of your sex life. It will blow his mind!
As a quick side note on this, we know that while most men will respond enthusiastically to his wife’s sexual advances, we’ve had many heartbroken women write us over the years saying that their husband seems uninterested in sex. If you’re one of these many women feeling rejected, please don’t lose hope. This is not your fault. There’s often a medical, psychological or other factor hindering your husband’s sex drive. There might also be a sin issue like meeting his sexual needs selfishly through porn and masturbation or other means which needs to be brought to light and addressed. Have these difficult conversations and if the problem is medical or psychological, encourage him to get help and or treatment so you both can make sexual intimacy a priority.
2. Surprise Him
Most men like sports and I’m convinced one of the main reasons why is that every athletic game has an unknown outcome. You don’t know what’s going to happen or who is going to win until the end. Men like some things to be familiar and routine, but we also have a need for the unknown, for adventures and surprises. As his wife, you have daily opportunities to surprise him with unexpected blessings, practical jokes, adventures and a myriad of other ways. Get creative. Learn to speak his love language and plan to surprise him regularly. It will break the monotony of the routine and bring more fun (and romance) to the relationship.
3. Support Him
A man’s greatest need (even more significant than sex) is the need to feel respected, trusted and supported by his wife. Find ways to support his dreams and his interests. When you take an interest in what interests him, it will bring you closer. Learn more about his favorite sports team and then watch a game with him. In his mind, it might be one of the most romantic moments imaginable. As you support him in significant ways and small ways, the marriage will strengthen, and he will also be more equipped and inspired to support you and bring more romance to the marriage (the way YOU like romance).
Check out The Naked Marriage Podcast and our new book, The Naked Marriage for more ways to build a rock-solid relationship. We’d also love to see you at one of our live marriage events which happen all around the country.