Pornography is rampant in the world we live in — especially because of the internet. Without leaving home, a person is just a few clicks away from the raunchiest and most explicit sexual information in the world. Even though a majority of pornography is viewed by men, an increasing number of women are being entertained by it and even becoming addicted to it.
The problems with pornography are vast. First of all, for men, pornography changes the way they view women in a negative manner. Research has proven that just two sessions of one hour exposures of R-rated sexual entertainment changes men’s attitudes toward women. They begin to objectify women and no longer see them as individually unique or valuable. The reason is because of the demeaning manner in which women and sex are portrayed. Can you imagine what happens to a man’s view of his wife after watching X X X porn?
The second problem with any form of pornography is that it introduces another person into a couple’s sex life. According to Jesus, simply looking at another person in a longing and lustful manner is equal to adultery. Inevitably, we begin to compare our spouse’s body and sexual performance to the person or people in the pornography we are viewing. Also, we are making a very damaging statement to our spouse that they simply aren’t enough for us. Of course, when stimulated by pornography, no number of women or men could ever satisfy us. It is an insatiable appetite.
The third problem with pornography is escalation. The same stimulation that once satisfied no longer satisfies and so the porn must become more explicit and raunchy, until it takes over a person’s life and destroys a marriage. I’ve heard people say that they used porn to spice up their sex lives in marriage. Porn will spice up your sex life like hydrochloric acid will spice up your food. Porn always destroys lives and robs you of the sacred intimacy and sexual fulfillment you could have had.
Let me offer several answers for those of you being affected by pornography. The first steps toward freedom are repentance and accountability. If you are viewing porn, find a godly pastor or friend you can confide in and become accountable to. Many churches have groups where men and women meet on a weekly basis to study the bible and pray with each other. In fact, many churches and communities are offering help for those with sexual addictions. Don’t let pornography ruin your life and marriage — get help.
The second critical issue related to being set free from pornography is changing your thought life. It is the ONLY WAY you can be set free from pornography permanently. I have written a small book called “A Mind Set Free”. I wrote it specifically to help people escape from pornography and sexual addictions. I would encourage you to click here to order the book. It will help you understand this issue and give you or someone you love the practical steps for freedom.
Now, if you are a wife and your husband is viewing pornography, there are some important things that you can do. The first is to pray and don’t give up. I know it can be very discouraging and hurtful when your husband is involved in pornography. The devil will try to use that fact to defeat you. Stand up and fight the good fight. Go into your prayer closet and pray for God to change your husband’s heart — do spiritual warfare for him.
Also, without ever enabling the sin in your husband’s life, don’t stop pursuing him sexually and emotionally. Rarely is a man’s addiction to pornography a sexual issue. In most cases, men are using pornography to fill an emotional void or to deal with pain. Even though it is sin and can’t be tolerated, understanding the reason behind it can help you to have compassion and understanding.
Don’t give your husband up to pornography. Fight for his heart and for the marriage as you treat pornography like an unwanted other woman. God has put incredible relational brilliance and spiritual power into the souls of women. Go on the offensive with the faith and love of God and kick the devil out of your house!
ABOUT JIMMY EVANS
Jimmy Evans is founder and CEO of MarriageToday and co-host of MarriageToday with Jimmy & Karen, the marriage ministry and broadcast television program that airs to millions of households each week and in over 200 countries.